Control

 'Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21'

I like to be in control. I plan meticulously, down to the minute, and feel all shaky and anxious if things don't go to plan. As well as controlling myself, I control my family. My children will eat at 5.30 and be asleep for 7.00, the Husband will be home at 4.00, unless I'm told otherwise and the washing must be hung on the line in a certain way. If these things don't happen, the world will probably explode, taking the unorganised chaos with it.

I have a dodgy knee (this is leading somewhere) and, through the power of Dr Google and obsessive House viewing (the program, not the brick structures) I have decided what is wrong with it and what needs to be done to fix it. I work myself up before each and every knee-man appointment, convinced that he will go against my 'medical' opinion and tell me to limp away.  When, he inevitably does not agree with my analysis I feel defeated, almost sick, this is what was supposed to happen. What I had planned to happen.

I struggle with the knowledge that my plan, no matter how carefully constructed, is not going to happen. God has chosen the right path for me, and this is what I will go along. If He thinks I need a full leg scan then fine, that is what shall be done. If things happen, things outside my control, to make dinner time slip to 5.42, then that is OK. His plan is what's best for me. So by (trying) to cast my scary, obsessive controlling nature away I will be that step closer to God. That step closer to my purpose and that mighty leap closer to His plan.

'Time, after all, is just a fraction of our existence. Anon'

'That people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things.  Isaiah 45:6-7'