Good teaching

Todays church teaching was on temptation, not really applicable to me I was smugly thinking. Then 'temptation to test God' ah, right. Oops.

I realise now (after having Matthew 4 broken down and spoon fed to me) that by asking God for something specific, then getting all shirty when it doesn't happen, is testing Him and His love. Jesus didn't need to throw himself off a cliff to prove God would save him, he just knew that He would. So, God, I feel poorly, but instead of shaking my faith I know you will save me. Let's finish this realisation nicely.

Amen.

God, where are you?

I feel a little as if God has left me, stranded in the wilderness, beating snakes away with my two bare hands. After my fun, faith filled, ambulance ride last week I was taking back into hospital. Once more in unbearable pain, once more holding back the anguished tears so I didn't upset my toddler, once more pumped full of drugs. The cause of my pain? Unknown. I prayed, harder than ever, for a simple answer, to know what had happened, what was broke. But apparently, I'm just not meant to know.

The Devil is whispering harder than ever ' He doesn't love you.' 'He doesn't care.' and even ' He doesn't even exist'. Lies. I know He loves me, I know He cares and I most certainly know He exists. But right now, I don't need a Christian answer to my negativity. I need someone to hug, to tell me, yes it was shit, but you can eat cake now, and to feed me aforementioned cake. To fill my half empty glass up with the Holy Spirit and to give me a strong pair of snake wrangling gloves. I need my Christian support. And I really need a twix.

End.

Ambulance rides

In the last 6 months I have been in an ambulance 3 times. For  serious infection, a dislocated knee and, most recently, a burst ovarian cyst. For the first two journeys I was scared senseless, my pain was overbearing, my nails were imbedded in my husbands hand and I thought I, a humble shape of flesh, could never survive such torture. Last night was different.

The pain was akin to a cattle prod in my back. A switched on cattle prod. Once again I was chucked into an ambulance, plugged in to the entinox and was leaving permanent nail indents in my husbands hand. Once again I charted my pain (8 out of 10) and wound myself into the fetal position, once again I left mascara tear tracks all over my face. But this time I didn't think the worse, I knew my God would help me through, I knew this storm would pass and I would hopefully be stronger for it. I knew I wasn't suffering alone.

1 Corinthians 6:19 'or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? Your body is not your own'

He is here, whenever we need Him, and he will weather our storms, side by side with us. When we have our faith in Him we must never suffer alone.

Sandy shores

Magnified sand.

I was thinking about the line  'He even counts every hair on your head!' (Matthew 10:30) today. How God knows us, knows everything, our deepest secrets and desires. How he knows every single hair on our heads. 

To looks at the world mankind is just a blur, like sand on a beach, we are one and the same, all human, all capable of good and evil, all living for a reason though not really knowing what that reason is. What our journey will entail.

God see's us like sand too. But like magnified sand. As the picture above shows, every little speck that, to our naked eye, is the same as every other speck, is actually different. Is incredible and beautiful in it's own, unique way. Is a swirl of pattern, colour and detail that we simply can't see. But God can. He see's us for what we truly are, for what's hidden beneath the blah-ness.

And, through knowing us, he knows what our journey will be. Knows what will be paved before us. Right now, life is feeling pretty mundane, days swirl into one and weeks stretch unbroken, like a deserted beach (I like sand lots today) but, I have faith that the good things will come, by being obedient to His word and surviving the toils of now, I will be rewarded.

So, to sum up that gobbledygook. God knows you, every inch of you, the good and the bad. When life feels dull, you're in pain or other general suffering, believe in Him and that you will get what you need, in His time and to His plan. And lastly, no matter what is going on, your Bible (and cake) will see you through.

'You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.'